Wordle

I love Wordle.    I love the challenge, I love the fun, but I think that I mostly I love it because it is one of the few ways that I feel successful.  Nothing better than figuring out the word in three tries in less than a minute.  That hour feels good.  

Tonight was chemo night.  I had had the pleasure of having a dear friend drive over an hour to take me to chemo for the past few trips, but today my appointment was too late and I could not allow her to come.  I walked into the medical center with myself again, with an icy splash of reality reminding me of who I was and why I was there.  

I am not complaining.  I have beautiful people in my life who offer to come to chemo with me.   The secret is that going to this medical center puts me in a private hell and sometimes it is hard to share that space with someone else.  It is hard to articulate how sad it feels to be there sometimes.  When I am alone, I don't have to admit that to anyone. 

I admire the older couples that decorate the medical center.  There are so many of them at the treatment center.  I think about how cancer probably brought them closer; gave them a common enemy.  They surely had their arguments and their bad times like everyone else has, but cancer has probably unified them and made them feel grateful for the time that they had together. 

I started a short book last night called Together, Closer which among other things, considered the pervasive problem of loneliness in this country.   The statistics did not surprise me, although they made me sad.  Closeness relieves anxiety, the author asserts.  People suffering from anxiety are probably suffering from loneliness, the author argues.  

Then I started to read about how being alone can cause "premature death" - I have always loved that term, by the way; what death does not feel premature?  The power of a hug and the resulting oxytocin release that it inspires has many health benefits.  Enough to keep us alive longer. This is not surprising either, but like so much of what we read, it serves as a good reminder.  

I sought hugs today with an unnatural zeal.  I continue to do this,  but sometimes physical hugs aren't possible.  Or they are just weird.  While awaiting my chemo shot tonight, I called a friend with whom I've streaked my face with tears of laughter many times.  I needed a virtual hug.   I knew I would howl with laughter while reminiscing with her and she did not disappoint.   I surely embarrassed myself a bit in the hallway where I whispered loudly into my headphones, but I had the best laugh I've had in a long time.  When I walked back into the waiting room, I was smiling hard, in a way that I had not smiled in months.  I felt completely different.  

In the waiting room I was about ten feet away from an elderly couple that appeared to be cuddling on the waiting room couch.  Maybe a fear of bad news made them cuddle.  Maybe love made them cuddle.  Maybe they were sharing a crossword puzzle.  They seemed relaxed, resigned, happy. "Wordle was so hard today," he said to her. "I used up three vowels and I just couldn't figure it out."  I've felt that so many times.   It was very sweet that he had someone to whom he could confess his Wordle troubles.  I was happy for him.

Collect hugs.  Give hugs. Real hugs, virtual hugs, whatever you've got.  It will make a big difference in someone else's life and in your own.  

PS - The Wordle answer he couldn't find today was 'hurry.'  I'm glad that it didn't occur to him.