The Heart

I am a recovering queen of TMI (not to be confused with TMD or Too Much Detail).  I give more info than I should.  I'm one of those hyper-highly sensitive people for whom a little bit of love and attention go a really long way.  Maybe I give TMI hoping to receive information, attention, something in return?  I thought about this as  I have a friend of a friend who is in remission from breast cancer.  She chose to keep her cancer a secret.  I wondered why I needed to seek out connection;  to ask for so much from the universe when others could keep their cancer a secret.  I am envious of this woman's discretion, but I could not swing it. 

A stag horn fern takes humidity from the atmosphere around it.   I think that people can pull love from the atmosphere.  I needed to do that.  My children, family, brothers, mother, cousins and friends have also given me a constant supply.  Bless them.  Thank you for reading.  Bless you. 

HEART PAINS

Krypolis is cardiotoxic.  I'm in the ER for the third time in three weeks right now with heart pains and pressure. I know the troponin drill so well that I start peering around the corner at minute 59 hoping that my nurse will be on time for the next blood draw so that I don t need to stay here much more than 3 hours.  I believe that again I will have hours and hours of tests that will prove inconclusive.  My heart is just heavy. It is taking the burden on of the sadness and the fear that I feel most minutes of most days.  A little love will go much farther than any medicine,  I am convinced.   

I keep writing about this because I feel like maybe my body is out of the reach of the healing powers of modern medicine right now.  Vegetables, sun, love, exercise, sleep are more necessary now as they feel like they are within my reach, my control. Although these have always been part of my life, I clearly did not value them enough until now. 

THE END OF CHEMO CHAPTER 1; ON TO THE STEM CALL TRANSPLANT

Today should have, would have been, my last day of chemo.  Sitting in a sunny seat in the chemo waiting room this morning was an extremely and newly bald young woman.  She looked younger than I am.  I sat next to her, trying to get her attention to tell her how pretty she looked. She had no need for my confirmation.  She still had her eyebrows and she looked so terribly confident.  I was so happy and so envious of that strength.  She went in to have her blood drawn and she left without my being able to give her a smile.  I felt like she was a harbinger.  She made me want to shout out to Jada Pinkett Smith, "YGG...you made it cool and fine for us to feel like being bald is a choice or a chapter...That we are all tough and cheeky enough to try being bald is thanks in part to you "  I hope she understands how much power her almost bald head gave to women losing their hair.  

Because of my heart pains, I got to skip my last day of Krypolis and go directly to Greenwich Hospital for testing.  Not sure if they can test for a broken heart, but I think that this is truly my only problem right now. 

Thoughts for patients 

Echocardiogram, Stress test and EKG. These should be done as a baseline prior to starting any chemo.  If you have not done an echocardiogram and an EKG and you have already started chemo, mention this to your doctor. 

Family heart history.  I was never asked about mine and it was a mistake.  Make sure your doctor knows about histories of heart attacks, heart issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, congestive heart issues, Afib, heart medication, anything related to heart health.  They may not have asked,  Assume that they don't know or remember as they have many patients.  KRd is very heavy on the heart and the brain. 

Diet. Remind your doctor if you eat a lot of red meat, have an otherwise high fat diet and/or if you smoke and or drink alcohol.   These might increase your risk of experiencing heart symptoms at a time of intense chemotherapy. 

Exercise to manage stress. Even if it is only walking, get an hour of exercise per day to work the drugs through your body and try to feel some calm inside. 

Reduce caffeine.  If you are having chest pains or heart pains, reduce caffeine consumption. 

Quality friends matters most.  There are people that call, that listen, that hug, that love, that give, that take walks with you when you need them.  They will help you take care of your heart.  Try to give back as much or part of what you are receiving.  Take care of these people. 

Fresh Air. Get as much as you can, without too much exertion.  

A Note to Spouses/Partners 

Keep giving until it hurts.   Your care, kindness and love are needed more than ever.  Get help if you feel like you need support.   Small efforts like making dinner, suggesting a movie, sharing photos or funny stories remind your partner that there is life outside of their situation and that you will be with them to see it through.   

Plan for the future. Talk about projects, trips, adventures that you will have at the end of the cancer care chapter.  Having something to look forward to brings hope. 

Take your partner for a walk. Having walking partner will make it more fun for them to get out and will make them feel supported. 

You will never regret giving love. 

Remember there is no such thing as too much love. 

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Comments

  1. MaudeApril 23, 2022 at 7:59 AM

    I appreciate your TMI. My husband was diagnosed with MM last September and so we are walking a similar path out on the West Coast. The kinship and heart fullness we feel for other MM patients has surprised and overwhelmed us and the Infusion Suite is a raw example.

    I think of you often and look forward to your blogs even though I read each one with my heart in my throat. Sending light and love to you from a stranger in Northern California.

    Thank you for your TMI.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MaudeApril 24, 2022 at 6:05 AM

    Also wondering if you’ve discovered David Emerson’s website, People Beating Cancer. He was diagnosed with MM in 1994 and has been in remission since 1999. There’s also a bog called, Margaret’s Corner, by another longtime MM survivor. Their mix of conventional and non-conventional therapies has inspired my husband’s MM journey.

    https://peoplebeatingcancer.org/

    https://margaret.healthblogs.org/

    ReplyDelete

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