Be careful what you say

Cancer is awful.  It is usually a surprise, often a shock, it turns one's life upside down immediately.   The only way that one can be saved is by taking big, strong, toxic, scary medicine.  Constantly.  Those commercials with people around an outdoor grill that have four minute disclaimers claiming that your head might roll off in the middle of the street if you take this drug.  Those drugs.  

You find out who your friends are when you go through this.  I'm so grateful for the beautiful (re-) discoveries that I have made during this time.  So many kind and beautiful people.  So many caring individuals with a lot of love in their hearts. 

A little unsolicited advice...

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY SICK AND YOU ARE NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY

I have learned about a few people around me and around the country who are so much sicker than I am and it is for them that I am writing.  It is hard to know what to say.  Levity or avoiding the subject is never appropriate.  Love and warmth always are.   

Do not tell them about your mother in law who has lived with stage 4 lung cancer for 5 years.  Do not tell them about others that you know who have had such great reactions to chemotherapy.  Lung cancer is not luekemia, breast cancer or pancreatic cancer. 

If you know anyone with stage 3 or stage 4 anything please know that their fight to stay alive is not fun, probably painful and surely sad and lonely.  Call them.  Write to them.  Ask how they are.  Donate if it is within your means or priorities.  Do not wish them a quick, or speedy recovery.  Tell them what you remember about them and why you like them.  Remind them of their strengths that you appreciate.  Keep checking in with them on a regular basis as this is what they need more than anything.  

Having learned a little about this struggle has made my heart break for those who have been guided toward clinical trials as little else is working.  Any time they have left will be surely filled with toxic drugs, emotional and physical pain and a profound state of disbelief.   Give them as much time and attention as you can afford.  

Thanks for reading.  I send you peace, good health, love and light in your life. 

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POSTSCRIPT - It is now October.  I wrote this article as a friend of my brother's was very sick and I saw comments on his Caring Bridge like "Hope you get better soon, buddy" "I hope you have a speedy recovery," etc.  This person's entries were so sad, it was clear that he was so sick and suffering.  He died last week.   Please don't wish a sick person a quick or complete recovery unless you know that they can make one. 

Comments

  1. MaudeMarch 8, 2022 at 4:49 AM

    I miss your posts and hope you’re okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. L March 11, 2022 at 2:34 PM

      thank you so much. It has been a very crazy few weeks. I appreciate your note! I posted today.

      Delete

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