The Luxury of Chemo

17 August 2023

Every two weeks I go to my cancer clinic and have blood tests to see how my immune system, blood components and other organs are faring.  I have blood tests to see if my cancer has returned.  I hold my breath when I hit the link to find those results: I just stare at the screen and think to myself, "my whole life could change right now."  Non-farm payroll, the GDP deflator and Apple's earnings are just numbers. They are really not that important. A bad serum protein number could be. 

Battling myeloma is like sitting in the middle of a seesaw.  Cancer and the chemotherapy side effects (like a weak immune system, liver or kidneys) must balance.  A slide in either side needs to be managed quickly.  Like the snarky girl in second grade who pushed you up high on your side of the seesaw and then proceeded to get off her side.  A slow reaction is dangerous. 

The nurses at my cancer clinic are superhuman.  They are cheery, polite, professional, meticulous and efficient.  I never worry about their role in the cancer care chain, they are always amazing.   When they grab my stomach to give me the shot, they always apologize.  To which I respond, "I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be able to get this shot, to have health insurance that pays for this shot.  This shot is keeping me alive."  That is my kind of luxury. 

This morning my Absolute Neutrophil Count, the bellwether of the immune system's strength was very low.  Too low to get chemo. My white blood cell count was also below the range, as it has been most of the past six months.  No Velcade today.  No shot in the stomach. 

I have still not fully recovered from being unmasked around others.  I was so excited to start feeling normal again, but stem cell transplant recovery truly must take two years as much as I had hoped otherwise. 

Take your time.  Love those around you.  Hug your children as often as you can; they will hug you back twice as hard.   Lose the shame.  Lose the shackles of materialism.  Each your vegetables.  Be forgiving. Sleep.  Wear a mask.  Especially if you have neutropenia.  Wear a mask.  Life is shorter than you think. 

Please write, especially if you have constructive criticism, suggestions or kindness to pass along.  I would love to hear from you. 

Ellecee103@gmail.com

PS - 18 Aug  - My doctor's office wrote yesterday suggesting that I stop the Revlimid (the pill) for now, too, given the weakness of my immune system.  One less luxury. 

*Lanolidamide is an immunomodulatory agent which supports my immune system while attacking the cancer.  Bortezamob (Velcade) is a proteasome inhibitor which slows or stops the cancer growth but pulls on my immune system to do so. 

The Backstory 

On November 1, 2021, I was diagnosed with High Risk IgG lambda light chain Multiple Myeloma, with t(4,14), del (13q).  I have had months of strong drug combinations and I spent over 40 days in the hospital in 2022.  I had a stem cell transplant last summer that required me to live in a 'plastic bubble' for the second half of 2023 and the first half of 2024. I have had many privileges and luxuries along the way. My children, brothers, family and dear friends took care of me around the clock.  I had the privilege of a long list of lovely friends checking in on me, many of whom I have not spoken to for years.  Many people that I wasn't sure even liked me brought grace and kindness to my life.  I was touched almost every day.  Most were kind and loving while fighting their own battles. 

Although I am in remission, I continue to take two different types of chemotherapy due to the high risk nature of the myeloma: I take 5 mg of lanolidamide (Revlimid)* pill 21/28 days per month and I get a bortezamib (Velcade)* shot in the stomach every two weeks. 

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