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It wasn't that fast for me

  November 1, 2026 Five years ago today I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.   I am tired.  I am sad.  My Myeloma Specialist, charged with taking care of me destroyed me.  Ten broken vertebrae.  Constant pain.  In short, these past five years have been seismic.   In some good ways and many sad ways.  My parting wish for you is to breathe every minute of your life in.  If someone had told me that I was going to have cancer,  that my cancer doctor was going to forget to give me medicine na dthat my spine would completely collapse (ten broken vertebrae), that I would never run or ski or play tennis again, that my life would be filled with pain every single minute of every single day, I would have just wished that I had had a few weeks notice to live a few days as a normal person with normal joys and plans and freedom, without fear and worry and pain that now spend each day with me.   I know that no one in my life ...
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The Guns of Navarone

 I have been in Charlotte, NC for most of January.  I am staying with, and potentially moving my mom who lives in an assisted living facility.  I'm exhausted and hungry and I feel like I on an emotional elevator that only stops only at the penthouse, then abruptly falls to the basement.  Then goes back up.  And down.  My mom is/was fun, generally happy, entertaining and never afraid to speak her mind.   I got this attribute from her and have struggled to be more gracious and diplomatic in my declarations.  I am not sure if I have succeeded.  It is excrutiating to watch her die.  It has been fascinating as well.   It is excrutiating to see this pillar of warmth and kindness and strength wilt away.  She has been my shrink, my support, my alter ego and my friend my whole life.   She has been direct and simple when she thought that my decisions were poor (this rarely changed anything, to be honest, I just felt a...
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Four years

November 1, 2025.   Four years ago today I was diagnosed with high risk Multiple Myeloma.  Cracked T4.  Seems like such a small problem now that I have had ten other vertebral fractures.   I have had 11 vertebrae crack in the past four years: one due to cancer the other due to a medical error.   I am a different person than I was four years ago.  I am still flawed like most humans, but I am so much happier.  I feel like the person that I was in my early 20s.  Optimistic, positive.  I go to bed feeling happy.  I wake up feeling happy.   For this I feel very lucky.  So what have I learned... 1. All time is borrowed time.   2. Each person in your life gives and takes.  Some give more than they take and the contrary.  Some make you feel positive or happy or inspired.  Some people are a lot more giving and kind than I am, and I admire them to distraction.  Most of those who make you ...
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Be careful what you say

Cancer is awful.  It is usually a surprise, often a shock, it turns one's life upside down immediately.   The only way that one can be saved is by taking big, strong, toxic, scary medicine.  Constantly.  Those commercials with people around an outdoor grill that have four minute disclaimers claiming that your head might roll off in the middle of the street if you take this drug.  Those drugs.   You find out who your friends are when you go through this.  I'm so grateful for the beautiful (re-) discoveries that I have made during this time.  So many kind and beautiful people.  So many caring individuals with a lot of love in their hearts.  A little unsolicited advice... IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY SICK AND YOU ARE NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY I have learned about a few people around me and around the country who are so much sicker than I am and it is for them that I am writing.  It is hard to know what to say.   Levity or avoiding...
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